All day yesterday, I was excited about today. Today is finally the day I’m making some changes in my life. I didn’t want to wait until Monday, since the decision stems from a last Thursday inspiration. But, Friday, when I tried, my patience wouldn’t let me. So I figured if I took the weekend and meditated on exactly what I’m doing, then Monday I would either buckle, or be so excited I’d be bursting to do it. And, I was right, normally I buckle, but today, I am excited about what the future will bring. I am stepping on the toes of fear and into my new destiny.
The way I’m talking about this you’d think it was some HUGE deal and not something I’m sure a lot of people do everyday. Especially mothers. Today I have decided to get my kids a membership to The Zoo and to The McWane Science Center. Yearly memberships. Meaning everyday for the next year, whenever we want to we can visit these places. Why is this a big deal you ask.
Well, becoming a mother has been a great transition for me. Wasn’t really sure what type of mother I would be, though I knew I wanted to be one who stayed at home for the early part of my children’s childhood. I was thrust into it after being fired from, probably the best part-time job anyone could have. Doing classified ads at the paper. And in that moment I went from confident to worrying so much about money, that for the past three years (my oldest just turned three on Nov. 2), I have stifled my mothering.
And so, last Thursday, as we watched Leap Frog thanks to Netflix, I decided, you know what, I must take action to be more active in their lives. Him along with my 17 month old. Forget the pressure of everyone around me telling me I need a job and need to send them to school. It IS my job to teach them everything I want them to know before they go into someone else’s classroom. And so we went out and got flashcards and those books you trace letters, numbers and shapes in from the dollar store. But last Friday, when we started with the flashcards, I didn’t know what I was doing and became so frustrated with him being bored (as I was to be honest), that I just quit. Then, the idea came. The zoo, The McWane Center and a lot of other places in our community are centers for learning, to be utilized by parents, and it also allows kids to interact with each other. How lucky if your mother took you pretty much everyday. Then maybe you would be more interested in doing flashcards, or perhaps tired at the end of the day, enough to be ready to lay down and go to bed. And boom, the decision was pretty much made, but I let the bank close on me before it was concrete. But it sat with me all over the weekend. Made me anxious and scared because it also opened up the idea that I could step back into something else I love and use it as a learning tool. Gardening.
Gardening is something I started before I had kids. I tried to do a little porch garden in pots for them this year and, well, it did inspire one thing in them. To eat leaves. Edible leaves of course, lettuce, kale, mustards. And that got me thinking, “if THIS makes you excited, because you can eat a leafy green you picked, instead of grass, perhaps learning your colors could be just as fun if you’re going to bite into all of them.” And so, now on this blog, I’ve decided to journal my children’s new learning adventures, and, on another blog I created, that has been dormant, CadieBeasGarden.wordpress.com, journal our adventures in gardening and hopefully inspire others to do the same.
I am a functioning Misfunktional Mami, and boy am I excited about the new ride we are about to take.