As the holiday season approaches, I find myself doing my usual retrace of the year I’ve had. All the good and bad that I’ve made it through that has brought me to here. I could skim over it and it would probably leave you intrigued. A trip to the crazy house, a foreclosure, moving back in with my parents with my kids, I could go on and on about the stresses this year has caused. But, as I reflect, it has taken me deeper into my past except this time, instead of visiting it with regret, a feeling of gratitude has come upon me.
Now, I know most people will tell you to be grateful no matter what, and sometimes that doesn’t mean a whole lot, but, today, it had a whole new revelation to me. This old concept that all of a sudden became so brand new.
Listen to your heart, not you head if you want to be happy. You heart will always lead you to happiness.
For the longest time I’ve not known anything of making a heart decision, because I’ve always been the one to make a smart decision. Until I had kids. Having kids was a heart decision that has allowed me to understand, now, when my heart is speaking. But why this message now? Because listening to my head got me a condo in a great area with high resale value (then) that I just foreclosed on. But listening to my heart, moving into that house in the bad area, would have allowed me to do the one thing I desired from having my own space. Growing a garden.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had the chance to grow my own gardens, plural. I took over the yard at my grandmother’s home, where my father grew up and my cousin now resides, but, after having two kids, traveling way across town to plant food is a lot more difficult than it was before I had to load them up, or be conscious of how late they were “out”. There is just nothing like the peace that comes from supplying your own food, and even more so when all you have to do is step out of your back porch to get it.
For weeks now I’ve been looking for another place to stay. An apartment, a house, but all on the “good” side of town because it is what others think I should do, or, it is the smart decision for the education of my kids. But, if I follow the educational desires that I have for my kids, where I live really matters none. I say all this to say that now, that I’ve been put in a sort of do over situation, even though I’m probably not going to be able to purchase a house (we’ll see, never say never), I am going to make the decision based on what I want home to be this time around. Not on the resale value of the area.
I will, this time around, make a heart decision, and in turn be blessed with a smart one. And for that I am most certainly grateful.